I do not see myself as a problem. I do not need to be fixed. I think I am a puzzle piece that ended up in a bag of mixed up puzzle pieces, who are simply trying to work out what the riot of reds, a sweep of blues, and garish purples amount to. It's a hard job for anyone to do, really.
I am new to grief, my mom passed away not quite 2 months ago. I try and work through it by moving my body. I’m a runner....what I’ve noticed lately is that after every run I cry, I run, I cry. I’m so taken back by this. I feel as though I am doing the best I can, I talk about my pain, I see a psychologist, I do distract by shopping but the run/cry combo always catches me off guard. Maybe it’s guilt because she can’t run or walk this trail with me anymore. I don’t know! I wanted to share in case this is the same for others.
Grief, for me, is one of the few emotions that are entirely about self. It’s the expression of the agony of being born with one solitary reference frame. Mine. It expresses and touches that hollow core, that once felt, follows throughout life. I feel connected and then some event initiates loss, often the loss reminds me that I, in reality, can never be over there with you or any other sentient being. I find myself in a solitary container again. Grief and suffering are human challenges that may be constant, but the ability to feel those things are also the reason to embrace the joys. Life is bittersweet in turn.
My soil was poisonous and I’m washing myself out. I had drawn toxins into myself from my environment, and it happened so slowly that I didn’t realize that nothing that I was planting in myself could ever survive.
Today I’m feeling grief from loss. It’s been buried for a long time and I’m grateful I can feel it today to let it go. Sometimes circumstances in the present bring up unhealed pain from my past. That’s what this is. Talking about it with trusting friends always helps and they usually identify which is comforting.
The Grief Café is not just about sad things. It is a place to feel heard, a place to feel accepted. The truth of the matter is: everyone that has been through something similar to us, and we have been brought together by this mutual understanding.
The Grief Café is not a support group, it is simply a place to have a conversation about grief. Our aim is simply to normalise this conversation that everyone should be having.
Grief. Grief is one thing which I constantly mull over, and tussel with. She grabs me by the legs some times and leaves me winded in the dust. Other times Grief gently runs her hand over my forehead, crooning soothing tones to my broken heart. Grief. With grief comes so many things no one tells … Continue reading The Heart of Everything