I feel Mum’s love everywhere I go, and I am so fortunate to have known her for so long. So many people go through their life without the vibrancy and love she has instilled in us.
Remember how Mum would always say to break things down, and to not look at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is scary, and so is a year. 365 days seems inconceivable right now, but you can manage one day at a time. Stay in bed if you have to. You don't have to leave the house, you just have to get through another day.
Chiquitita, you and I cry, But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.
How could I still be listening out, just in case Mum needed me?
I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted the opportunity to transfer this emotional struggle into a physical challenge that I could overcome, learn and develop from.
It makes me feel bad that my family have had to look after me so much. I hate being a burden, boring and a frustration. I hate that they had to wake up in the night to help me with medicines or when I was throwing up.
When I wake up, my heart doesn’t split into a thousand pieces. My head doesn’t pound with questions asking me why us, or how are we here. When I reach for a mug for my coffee, my hands don’t shake when I see Mum’s mug.