There’s a small scar above my left eye, a keepsake from the time my sister and I tried to dig our way to China. I don’t remember the exact thought process that led to this bold venture, but since I was 5 and she was 13, I’m sure our reasoning was perfectly sound. I’m also sure that living in southeastern Idaho played a role in the decision because 1) We had nothing else going on, and 2) Local authorities hadn’t yet enacted any laws against minors procuring gardening shovels, ladders, and gas lanterns, and 3) There were plenty of other kids around who were eager to help (probably because we promised them fields of free fortune cookies upon job completion).
The very first photo is my lovely mum in a blue ballgown, taken on the 14th of September, 2013. I would have been 13. The royal blue of Mum's dress brightens and flaunts her clear blue eyes. A faint, hesitant smile has only aged 7 years with fondness and love. Her hair is short, and slightly messy. I love it, but I can imagine mum brushing her fingers through it only moments beforehand.
I would say I'm a very resilient person. Katie often says that nothing phases me, and my Mum would often say I take everything in my stride. I often say that as long as I have a good playlist going, I can do anything I need to or want to. Quarantine lately had been getting the best of me.
Katie and I will stand side by side and talk about the creation of The Grief Reality. We will talk about how alienating grief was, but the love we felt from this community. We are indebted to the WordPress community for the life it brought back to us.
We need to see our whole complete teen, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty something selves and we need to love each and every version of us.
I enjoy your memory. The other day my flat and I cheersed our drinks for you. I laughed and felt giddy...
For many of us, we live in hope because those who have lost someone still can’t comprehend it.
I hope I will forever be grateful, even when inevitably things go wrong; this is my life and I’m in love with it again.
Today, I feel successful. I woke up feeling energised, I woke up excited for my day. I made a very student lunch (chicken steak and barbecue sandwich), helped myself to a black coffee.
But this is my world. Those were the cards I had been dealt. I have been living without my Mum for 14 months now. I have been doing okay.