Chiquitita, you and I cry, But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.
How could I still be listening out, just in case Mum needed me?
Today, I bleed. In the space of a year, everything has changed.
I wondered whether Mummy felt this way too when she was in hospital and whether I did enough to comfort her. I hope she never felt alone when she was with me.
I enjoyed being outside of my comfort zone. I enjoyed not knowing the language, and the noise of the family around me. I was free. I had never felt more lost, and I had never felt more ‘found’ before.
When you hold your thumb, try and think of a safe and calming space. This could be a place that you imagine, like a beach with the sound of the waves, or it could be a memory where you remember feel particularly calm. For me it is lying back on the trampoline, feeling warm by the evening sun, at about 12 years old.
I've been really emotional leading up to this Mother's Day. I miss her more with every passing day. Her absence at home is deafening. I spend a lot of my weekends visiting her. It’s a beautifully serene place and I feel very comfortable there. Sometimes my younger sister and I take a picnic blanket, we lay down and have a good cry!