I do not see myself as a problem. I do not need to be fixed. I think I am a puzzle piece that ended up in a bag of mixed up puzzle pieces, who are simply trying to work out what the riot of reds, a sweep of blues, and garish purples amount to. It's a hard job for anyone to do, really.
Happy New Year, Happy New Decade, Happy New Everything
Today, I chose to take a “Grief Day” – a term I use to coin a day entirely devoted to feeling grief. A day when I turn to myself for the home comforts just as my mum used to on those sick days from school.
We never expected to feel so supported by your comments of encouragement or simple “me too” messages or a “hang on in there, it does get better”. Knowing other people were able to survive such loss gave me hope and shined a light on a future that I thought I’d never be able to attain after losing our mum.
You were always there to tell me how proud you were and to tell me to never give up. I didn’t. I didn’t give up because you never gave up. You taught me to never give up, and we didn’t, did we?
I felt emotionally exhausted and wanted the opportunity to transfer this emotional struggle into a physical challenge that I could overcome, learn and develop from.
Sometimes, making plans for the following week seems like a great idea - and sometimes it is - but other times, you just have to cancel because all you need to do is gather your strength at home.