Grieving in plain sight: the fact we will all grieve yet society is so uncomfortable by it, that the griever has to protect everyone else. Every day.
I think a part of me is afraid to really dive into those words that have become a regular line in my narrative. I am afraid to miss my mum, because what if I miss her wrong? What if I remember something wrong? What if I drown?
We never had any Big Talks. But over those three months we slowly rediscovered each other. Nothing magical (unless you count being able to laugh together again magical). Just us.
Your grief is seen and felt, even at the time of the Christmas spirit and when all is merry. You are seen. You are heard. Your loved one, nor you, is forgotten.
~ I hope I can bring you a small moment of peace as well ~
A video I spent way too long working on.
Though it may not seem like it at the time, grief will be short lived, taken over by the memories stored in the heart, the tear will be replaced by a smile and the heart will go on… 🙂
She’s tidying up now, preparing to leave. I don’t know if I should stop her. Or warn her. But there’s nothing to be done. Things will play out as they always have, for everything happens for a reason, they will say.
I am new to grief, my mom passed away not quite 2 months ago. I try and work through it by moving my body. I’m a runner….what I’ve noticed lately is that after every run I cry, I run, I cry. I’m so taken back by this. I feel as though I am doing the best I can, I talk about my pain, I see a psychologist, I do distract by shopping but the run/cry combo always catches me off guard. Maybe it’s guilt because she can’t run or walk this trail with me anymore. I don’t know! I wanted to share in case this is the same for others.
Grief, for me, is one of the few emotions that are entirely about self. It’s the expression of the agony of being born with one solitary reference frame. Mine. It expresses and touches that hollow core, that once felt, follows throughout life. I feel connected and then some event initiates loss, often the loss reminds me that I, in reality, can never be over there with you or any other sentient being. I find myself in a solitary container again. Grief and suffering are human challenges that may be constant, but the ability to feel those things are also the reason to embrace the joys. Life is bittersweet in turn.
My soil was poisonous and I’m washing myself out. I had drawn toxins into myself from my environment, and it happened so slowly that I didn’t realize that nothing that I was planting in myself could ever survive.