She’s tidying up now, preparing to leave. I don’t know if I should stop her. Or warn her. But there’s nothing to be done. Things will play out as they always have, for everything happens for a reason, they will say.
I do not see myself as a problem. I do not need to be fixed. I think I am a puzzle piece that ended up in a bag of mixed up puzzle pieces, who are simply trying to work out what the riot of reds, a sweep of blues, and garish purples amount to. It's a hard job for anyone to do, really.
I am new to grief, my mom passed away not quite 2 months ago. I try and work through it by moving my body. I’m a runner....what I’ve noticed lately is that after every run I cry, I run, I cry. I’m so taken back by this. I feel as though I am doing the best I can, I talk about my pain, I see a psychologist, I do distract by shopping but the run/cry combo always catches me off guard. Maybe it’s guilt because she can’t run or walk this trail with me anymore. I don’t know! I wanted to share in case this is the same for others.
Grief, for me, is one of the few emotions that are entirely about self. It’s the expression of the agony of being born with one solitary reference frame. Mine. It expresses and touches that hollow core, that once felt, follows throughout life. I feel connected and then some event initiates loss, often the loss reminds me that I, in reality, can never be over there with you or any other sentient being. I find myself in a solitary container again. Grief and suffering are human challenges that may be constant, but the ability to feel those things are also the reason to embrace the joys. Life is bittersweet in turn.
My soil was poisonous and I’m washing myself out. I had drawn toxins into myself from my environment, and it happened so slowly that I didn’t realize that nothing that I was planting in myself could ever survive.
Today I’m feeling grief from loss. It’s been buried for a long time and I’m grateful I can feel it today to let it go. Sometimes circumstances in the present bring up unhealed pain from my past. That’s what this is. Talking about it with trusting friends always helps and they usually identify which is comforting.
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Sometimes, when I am alone with myself, I feel perfectly happy and complete. Other times, I feel alone. Like I'm a chicken scratch in dry mud when I'm meant to be parchment and expensive ink.
We are proud to announce that on 03/10/2020 at 16:00 BST, we will be hosting our second Grief Cafe! This is a free event where anyone and everyone can join to share their experiences of #grief This time, we will be speaking about the conflicting emotions that can arise during grief; guilt, shame, anger, anxiety. … Continue reading Bringing you the Grief Cafe #2
"Grief is so isolating. I don't know who I can relate to anymore." Thank you to Anonymous for your submission. I think this is a topic and feeling so many share and agree with. Thank you. If you would like to submit an anonymous submission, email us at email@example.com with your post, and say you would … Continue reading As Told By Anonymous #2