A thought provoking and beautiful piece from our friend from the Instagram family. Head over to Lynn's Instagram page for beautiful art inspired by grief.
As a little girl I loved doing things for my mother. Whether I gave her a drawing, a homemade gift, or a surprise breakfast, she would tell me I was so sweet and thoughtful and clever and artistic and creative and smart and wonderful in every way. And, being the trusting little child that I was, I believed it. (This was long before “self-esteem” was the buzz-word that it is today.)
There’s a small scar above my left eye, a keepsake from the time my sister and I tried to dig our way to China. I don’t remember the exact thought process that led to this bold venture, but since I was 5 and she was 13, I’m sure our reasoning was perfectly sound. I’m also sure that living in southeastern Idaho played a role in the decision because 1) We had nothing else going on, and 2) Local authorities hadn’t yet enacted any laws against minors procuring gardening shovels, ladders, and gas lanterns, and 3) There were plenty of other kids around who were eager to help (probably because we promised them fields of free fortune cookies upon job completion).
So I will keep you in my heart And in your heart keep mine The memories will never fade We’ll recall them from time to time
We never had any Big Talks. But over those three months we slowly rediscovered each other. Nothing magical (unless you count being able to laugh together again magical). Just us.
She’s tidying up now, preparing to leave. I don’t know if I should stop her. Or warn her. But there’s nothing to be done. Things will play out as they always have, for everything happens for a reason, they will say.
Grief, for me, is one of the few emotions that are entirely about self. It’s the expression of the agony of being born with one solitary reference frame. Mine. It expresses and touches that hollow core, that once felt, follows throughout life. I feel connected and then some event initiates loss, often the loss reminds me that I, in reality, can never be over there with you or any other sentient being. I find myself in a solitary container again. Grief and suffering are human challenges that may be constant, but the ability to feel those things are also the reason to embrace the joys. Life is bittersweet in turn.
Today I’m feeling grief from loss. It’s been buried for a long time and I’m grateful I can feel it today to let it go. Sometimes circumstances in the present bring up unhealed pain from my past. That’s what this is. Talking about it with trusting friends always helps and they usually identify which is comforting.
I am tired. I am drained. I am permanently in a fog. The uncertainty surrounding Covid, how much of it is truth and how much of it is lies? Grief only seems to have intensified, the volume has been turned up creating a deafening silence of unanswered questions. Decisions need to be made, some small … Continue reading As Told By Sean
I remember it was on 28th March 2019,I arrived at my home at 5.30pm after work. I sat to rest a while before starting my house chores. Just then my phone rang and it was my dad. Immediately I thought he's calling to know how my family is, but after greetings he informed me that … Continue reading As Told By Bridget