A new happy that remembers the grief that robbed my family back in 2018 but shows up anyway. A happy that gives a little sad sigh at the end of each day and says “I wish I could facetime my mum”.
Since my mum passed a way, my whole perspective on life changed and I have felt as though I have been walking around with a secret; “pssst, did you know that people actually die and none of what we are doing is actually that important?” All that truly matters in this life is family and being with the people you love, and I feel so lucky to be seeing this through with mine in a place that I can call home.
More than anything though, we hope you are keeping safe and that you are in good health. Be kind to yourself during this period and always.
Sat at my desk today, the realisation that it's been 18 months didn’t bring my world crushing down around me as the anticipation of the 6 month mark did.
The vet nurse called Daisy a naughty torty, and I quite liked that.
Be mindful of those little moments that weave colour into your everyday. Scribble little notes, underline everything. Bookmark it all. In no time at all you'll have a whole collection of moments that add so much colour and life to your life.
Happy New Year, Happy New Decade, Happy New Everything
As a child, December was my favourite month. From the 5th to the 9th, using all of my willpower, I used to save up my advent calendar chocolates. On the morning of the 10th, sleepy eyed, I would sit in between my parents as Mum would give me my birthday presents and I would indulge in the chocolates that I had been saving for my big day.
Today, I chose to take a “Grief Day” – a term I use to coin a day entirely devoted to feeling grief. A day when I turn to myself for the home comforts just as my mum used to on those sick days from school.
So, 15 months ago I was stripped of everything that I thought made me, me. And what came after a deep long look and sorting through those jagged pieces, was less noise. A silence. A phase of purification. Nearly every aspect of my life, to an extent, has been stripped. So, who is Katie now?