Happy New Year, Happy New Decade, Happy New Everything
As a child, December was my favourite month. From the 5th to the 9th, using all of my willpower, I used to save up my advent calendar chocolates. On the morning of the 10th, sleepy eyed, I would sit in between my parents as Mum would give me my birthday presents and I would indulge in the chocolates that I had been saving for my big day.
Today, I chose to take a “Grief Day” – a term I use to coin a day entirely devoted to feeling grief. A day when I turn to myself for the home comforts just as my mum used to on those sick days from school.
So, 15 months ago I was stripped of everything that I thought made me, me. And what came after a deep long look and sorting through those jagged pieces, was less noise. A silence. A phase of purification. Nearly every aspect of my life, to an extent, has been stripped. So, who is Katie now?
This is Daisy. She came from a nearby farm. I loved her before I met her and chose her name before Mum found the advert for her.
You aren't your grief. You aren't what happens to you in this life, you are how you deal it. You won't always feel so small.
Yes, and I am finally living it.