I think the thing with grief is that I always want to know the 'why' or the 'what'; Why did I break down after a perfectly nice weekend? What was the trigger? On Sunday night, I went to bed and woke up 23 again, in 2018. I woke up with all of the fresh pain and the memories of my mum passing away. I felt frantic and only wanted to speak to the people who were around me then.
I wonder if I'll ever come to terms with the fact that you aren't here anymore. Will I ever be comfortable when September comes around and brings another year without you to a close? Is it weird that I consider September the start of the new year? Today is your 56th birthday and tomorrow marks … Continue reading It’s Been a Year
I’ve been there. No, not a widowed middle-aged man with an alcohol problem. But I’ve been at the point where life's unrelenting conveyor belt is ushering you to keep moving forward but you are still frantically trying to scramble against time to stay close to the person you lost.
A new happy that remembers the grief that robbed my family back in 2018 but shows up anyway. A happy that gives a little sad sigh at the end of each day and says “I wish I could facetime my mum”.
Since my mum passed a way, my whole perspective on life changed and I have felt as though I have been walking around with a secret; “pssst, did you know that people actually die and none of what we are doing is actually that important?” All that truly matters in this life is family and being with the people you love, and I feel so lucky to be seeing this through with mine in a place that I can call home.
More than anything though, we hope you are keeping safe and that you are in good health. Be kind to yourself during this period and always.
Sat at my desk today, the realisation that it's been 18 months didn’t bring my world crushing down around me as the anticipation of the 6 month mark did.
The vet nurse called Daisy a naughty torty, and I quite liked that.
Be mindful of those little moments that weave colour into your everyday. Scribble little notes, underline everything. Bookmark it all. In no time at all you'll have a whole collection of moments that add so much colour and life to your life.
Happy New Year, Happy New Decade, Happy New Everything
