Waking UP

Writing on the blog is deeply personal. I imagine I sit you down, offer you tea, hold your hand and look you in the eyes. Whilst you may read this and throw it away, or never think of it again, I think of it every day. The power of you sitting with me, and giving me space to share my thoughts.

Evidence:

Gently, with care, I saw through my ribcage. I pluck out my ribs, and lift out my lungs. Nestled there, cringing at the light is my tiny heart. A torch is shone down at her, and she curls up in a ball sobbing. I want to tell her it will be okay, but I don’t trust myself to speak. I know it scares her so much when I open up.

A Sunny Day

Last week I cried on the phone and said “every day I wake up and lose. I go downstairs and I lose. I get out of bed and I lose. Everything I do, I lose, lose, lose.” Well Evee, every day you wake up and win. You stretch in the morning to the sound of the birds and chatter, and you’ve won. You get out of bed by 9, and you’ve won.

How Many Times?

Yet when it is me, in my dark moments I tell myself not to reach out. Who would want to hear it? I will lower someone’s mood. I will make people worry. I will stress someone out.