As Told By Alastair

Grief is unpredictable. And seemingly timeless. It is over two years now since both my parents died within a week of each other and since then I find myself unpredictably welling up or feeling so depressed. I didn’t ever have a rush of heavy grief to begin with – it’s just gone on and on. Somehow I need to find a way of saying goodbye to them but I have not found it yet. 

Goodbye is probably the wrong word to use – however I manage to move on with my grief, I will not think of it as saying goodbye. Beginning to talk / write about it is helpful.

~

Thank you so much to Alistair for submitting his post. It’s a gentle reminder that grief doesn’t have resolutions. As painful as that is, it is our truth.

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17 thoughts on “As Told By Alastair

  1. Death is complex in itself; we understand it happens. But we are never truly ready when hit home. I lost my brother 25 years ago. And there are times I still wonder why; he was killed when he was 19. And then there’s other times I find myself saying, at least he doesn’t have to endure all the craziness that’s going on in this world today, getting sick, or suffering because of some untreatable disease. But I still cry on the day he died, and I cry on his birthday. But I laugh when I think about all the times, we sat an ate crab legs together, I laugh when I think about walking to the pool in the hot sun. Stopping every now and then discussing all the things we will do when we arrived at the pool, I laugh when I think about staying up all night watching cartoons with him. And how we would laugh non-stop. I can’t say that you want have a break down moment. But what I can tell you, it gets easier. Just think about all the good times, the crazy funny times. And remember those hugs, kisses, and smiles you brought to them while they were here and vice versa.

  2. The loss fades in intensity with time but there’s no set formulae as we are all different. That’s not to say we forget the person we mourn just that time lends distance to the event. Tears still jump into my eyes when I see a picture of my wife eight years after her death but more often than not it’s because of some happy memory than the tragedy of losing her. If you can speak to others of your loss, maybe as a shared loss, knowing you’ve released the feelings may help relieve the stress of holding feelings in. I wish you peace.
    Hugs

    1. That is a lovely thing. Remembering the good things/times is so important. I have started writing down for myself and speaking occasionally and it definitely helps.

  3. 💜 Pretty Brutal from Me; but DEATH IS NOT THE END!!! We ARE Selfish and WILL NOT!!! Allow a Loved One To R.I.P because We MISS!!! Their 3DGifts while They Look On From Beyond The Veil and Wonder Why We ARE So Sad here in 3D when They Have Returned to Bliss after Experience for The Sole Sake of Experience

    …💛💚💙…

  4. “Grief is the thief of joy and happiness,
    but grief is a negative and positive side of life,
    grief is both both and evil and good flecting only the strong conquer.”
    _-Van Prince

    1. Not sure I understand this, but there is certainly positive and negative aspects to most things. I don’t really see grief as negative, but it can sometimes be difficult to see the positive. Time will pass and I hope and expect my grief will be less debilitating but I will never be without my parents in memory at least.

  5. The algorithm here is amazing, either that or there’s some cosmic serendipity going on here…

    I dunno if Alastair will see this, but I lost both my parents last summer, Mom on 7/23 & Dad went of 8/29. It’s not a week, but I haven’t found many other people with such big losses so close together.

    It’s not even a year and I find myself frustrated that I fall apart so fast sometimes, over such seemingly trivial things. It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one.

    1. You are not alone, and you have a community here armed with love and ready to support you through this x thank you for your honesty and for taking the time to comment.
      We like to think it’s cosmic serendipity x

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