When Enough Isn’t Enough

At school, I did what I was told, I didn’t wear revealing clothes but got approached anyway on my home from school by two grown men.

When I was 15 a man drove me home after I had babysat his son. He drives slow, he takes wrong turns. “Just drop me here, we’re close enough”. That man, a policeman, I learned was later charged with sexual assault.

I was 17 when I went to my first Christmas work’s do. I felt the hand of a passer-by reach up under my skirt, and I heard his friends laugh as he walked away. The neckline of my dress reached up passed my collar bones and the skirt flowed just above the knees – I thought it was low enough.

At 18, I was asked by an elderly man “Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?” I looked down at my ladder-resist tights, apparently not resistant enough.

Leaving a club, my friend and I were crossing the road. Concealed by the bushes, but revealed by the streetlamps, a naked man masturbating. We daren’t look back as we ran back to hers, praying that we were running fast enough.

And when I lived in Spain, I was followed home, “Quiero comer tu c-” enough!

“Can I have your number?” – Why is “No” seen as an invitation to wait outside the supermarket? Why is “No” not enough?

Today I always make sure to ask my sister, “Have you got money for a taxi?” She always makes sure to have enough.

Sarah Everard did all the right things, but enough wasn’t enough to just get home.

It’s not all men, but it’s all women who compromise. It’s all women who have stories. And it’s all women who grieve.

We have had enough.

 

With a heavy heart,

Katie x

40 thoughts on “When Enough Isn’t Enough

  1. Experiences in a life book, woman be wise and writing more chapters in the book , fortunately you can be narrator from this experiences in our book. Happy weekend and stay safe & well

  2. These things happen and there is nearly a reaction against the ones that handle this way…. It makes me so mad. If you drive a few miles to fast with your car, the censequences are far more than if you act like the people above…. Painfull is it.

  3. No matter what actions we take to be proper and without blame, whenever something like this happens, it is immediately the woman’s fault….because men won’t do anything wrong without being lead on now would they? Sarcasm intended.

  4. It sends shivers every time when I walk past where we saw the naked man. And this is just round the corner from my parents house. Why should I feel like that?!

    1. For my sister and me it was in our own yard. We were about 9 and 11, and the teenaged boy next door was standing at the window … I’ll skip the details. This was in the early 60’s! I can’t imagine what little girls are subjected to these days. (Not that I want to.)

  5. Tragically, a woman or girl may dress appropriately and not be “seductive” and yet, a man will use even that as an excuse for accosting her. “Who does she think she is, so much holier than the rest of us?” When evil is in a person’s heart, nothing will deter him or her from pursuing it.
    Blogging on this in another week, March 20. Praying for you dear sister, that Father will protect you.
    That said, use wisdom for where you go and with whom you spend your time. However, we must never blame a victim.
    “But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their OWN evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.” James 1:15
    It is not your fault.

  6. I hope this will make men think or women educate their boys to respect women. Sorry it had to take a death of a beautiful young girl 😢😢💔

  7. Unfortunately the society we currently live in, doesn’t justify why we as women have to go through these stages in life. In the end everything gets blamed on us regardless of us saying no, wearing modest clothing etc. I think we need to focus and educate men on how to treat women and the ways to act within the society instead of letting all the blame fall on us

  8. This makes me so angry. As I was reasearching my post for International Women’s Day last week, I was shocked at the stats related to violence against women. As a mom of two young women, I worry for their safety all the time. Bad things happen too often.

  9. At this point all I can say is sorry. It’s gone on far too long where a man assaults a woman and other men laugh. It encourages these actions. The police need to react faster and the courts give appropriate punishment. Men, we must walk women to their cars or to taxis we need to see the drivers. Women are allowed their own dreams and not be expected to take part in someone elses.
    Hugs

  10. That’s the truth and being a man with 3 females in the house. More men than you know are absolutely disgusting.
    This doesn’t make me happy and I’m very protective of my daughter and my wife.

    I heard someone talk about buying a one-way ticket and a shot gun when his daughter becomes a teenager.
    I had a laugh at time….?!!!

  11. I 100% agree with you that “no” should mean “no”. I wrote an article in my blog some time ago, however, that parents who say “no” repeatedly and then end up giving in because it’s easier for THEM do send a mixed message that “no” only means “you haven’t yet pushed me to the point where I’ll give in to your demand”.

  12. Thank you for sharing!!.. unfortunately there are a number of closed minded elements in today’s world societies and in spite of a image the human race would like the world to believe, the human race is not as civilized as they would like the universe to believe… hopefully with today’s technology, wisdom will one day prevail with respect for another’s dignity… 🙂

    I Had A Dream And Still Do…. 🙂

    In history’s past, on the path, I had a dream
    Of a world in harmony it did seem,
    Accepting one as to who they believe and are
    Of one’s life’s choices no one did bar.

    Not a world of race, color or gender
    Nor closed minded ridicule or prejudice…you see,
    But a world that respects another’s dream
    Of what or who they wish to be.

    Being free to climb a mountain, to touch a star
    Free to search the universe, where answers are,
    Free to venture through life, with open mind
    Another’s belief, it did not blind.

    Being free to boldly walk the lands, both far and near
    To lives one’s life without suffering or fear,
    Not to be accepted by belief, gender or race, you see
    But by the love, understanding and knowledge of a spirit born free.

    And children could follow their own dream, you see
    Not to be denied by another’s ideology,
    To follow the destiny of their own choice
    Not to be hindered by another’s voice.

    I still have that dream, you know
    A dream that began a long time ago,
    A dream without end, each and every day
    Until the four winds, they all blow away.
    (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

  13. You’re totally right, it really is all women who have these stories. Yours are shocking too. That you even have one involving a policeman too is eerie.

    Society systemically abuses women through objectification, pushing all these images of idealised beauty onto people from EVERYWHERE, it’s so pervasive. And things like token female nudity in movies (which is so blatant). It all just makes me so uncomfortable and it’s obviously harmful. It’s just one thing that needs to change but which feels like is too accepted as normal.

    Sarah’s story gave me nightmares too.

    And then this story really summed up the whole problem more succinctly and perfectly than anything I’ve seen:
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-56409023

    There are a few psychos in the world yes, but there are also countless lazy apologists everywhere 😐. That is an understatement.

    It just leaves me speechless, other than to say that we have to get people heard.

  14. I wish I could be a touchable,
    intimate,
    vulnerable thing
    without that being dirty
    or shabby –

    like something under caress
    from a mountain stream over pebbles
    or the softest tide
    over shells…

    or the way my favourite fingers squeezed me

    when everything else scared me.

    I wish being tender
    was something kinder and easier
    than a value judgement.

    I wish wind on our skin
    and hands
    curling into hugs
    were made of the same touch.

    I wish I could hold fabric
    and kindness
    like the same clothes.

    Sometimes everything is so much scarier than I can let on.

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