Twists and Turns

Sometimes, when I am alone with myself, I feel perfectly happy and complete. Other times, I feel alone. Like I’m a chicken scratch in dry mud when I’m meant to be parchment and expensive ink.

Something I have been wrestling with lately, is simply how exhausting self-soothing is. Constantly telling yourself everything will be okay because you don’t have your person who will tell it to you. Someone who you truly believe in, and someone who truly believes in you. I guess that’s why there’s so many religions in the world.

Self-soothing is the act of calming ourselves when we go through a stressful event. As I ease myself further into these new lockdown restrictions, I find myself getting more anxious. I soothe myself steadily, telling myself I can get through anything in an almost ritualistic manner. I work through my anxiety, gently unwinding myself with the techniques I have learnt.

Yet eventually, my fingers become numb trying to unwind these plaits and twists, and my chest aches through the act of trying to breathe away the stress. I get so exhausted looking at myself and trying to speak life into my body again. I don’t want to do it anymore.

I know that I will get through it, and I am not alone in my words. I know, but it doesn’t make it easier.

I guess one religion didn’t provide enough answers and strategies for us. Maybe that’s why we have so many.

Evee x

8 thoughts on “Twists and Turns

  1. Yes, God exists but so does evil, and so does Satan. If you were Satan, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to confuse people and keep them from the one true God? And this is exactly what he does. The Bible warns us not to be like those who “exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator” (Romans 1:25).

  2. I don’t do religion, I believe there’s more to life than what the senses give us, but I will not be pulled in. If it helps another all well and good, but there are those who would use the moments of vulnerability to manipulate. For that is the “evil” (or whatever word) that we all need to avoid. Love is a good faith. Compassion is too. Oh and my favourite [Kindness].

  3. LaDonna Remy – United States – I am a trauma and attachment therapist, who works in a private practice setting. My passion is in exploring and supporting exploration of the human condition. I love writing, reading, learning, exploring nature, and spending time in connection with those I love. My blog, Perspective on Trauma. shares thoughts on a variety of topics including social justice, emotional well-being, trauma and attachment, grief and loss, and moving forward. I am hopeful you will find something that speaks to you here. I welcome your thoughts and comments.
    LaDonna Remy MSW says:

    Grief is such a long road and personal
    Process. It has such a normal potential to move us closer to or farther from our belief systems. So many complicated layers. I’m sending you lots of care as you continue to navigate all that can come with this process.

  4. Words to myself seldom have the desired affect. To be honest, it feels like lying to myself, which creates a whole different kind of anxiety. I find my self-soothing best when I engage in my passion, focus my energy there, and let it instill its calmness around me. For me, it is cooking. For some, it’s gardening. For some, it is doing craft projects, or jigsaw puzzles… anything that requires your mind to be a part of what you’re doing, leaving no space for random, traveling thoughts about the past or future.

  5. I like your thoughts. For me, accepting what is, and finding the means to keep going, is most important. Anything soothing can also act as a container of addiction. I am a person in remission from drugs and alcohol. Belief systems work, as in religion, but only as long as I believe. I don’t have very many stories about belief, even then, I know they are beliefs. Believing never makes anything true or false, it’s a belief. Thanks so much for this blog.

  6. Anna Waldherr – A practicing attorney for over 20 years, Anna Waldherr is today a writer and advocate for the poor. She is the author of The Rose Garden – A Daughter’s Story, a first-hand account of child abuse and recovery, and An Evangelical on the Left, an examination of the politics of religion and the place of faith in public life. Anna blogs on religion, politics, and social justice at A Lawyer's Prayers alawyersprayers.com, and on abuse-related issues at A Voice Reclaimed, Surviving Child Abuse avoicereclaimed.com.
    Anna Waldherr says:

    There are a great many people trying to cope w/ anxiety during this pandemic. It can be overwhelming to confront the very real possibility of death, especially when we feel isolated and alone. Christ does not promise that we will avoid all suffering in this world. He does promise to stand beside us, whatever comes. The assurance that we will spend eternity w/ Him in paradise is a great comfort to believers. <3

  7. Hamish – Hello and welcome! Thank you for stopping by. My name is Hamish and I live in a beautiful place called New Zealand, where I spend a lot of my time writing and making music. This blog is my way of sharing a bit about myself and my experience of depression with the world, to offer hope and a place for others to feel safe sharing a bit about themselves too. I also write short stories with my dad for competitions, craft poetry to help me cope with my depression, and write music to express my current feelings about the world we live in. Right now I'm working on my first novel; an epic fantasy set in a world inspired by feudal Japan and Japanese mythology. Check back in the next week to find out more about these stories as I am in the final stages of getting my Writing website off the ground. Keep on keeping on being awesome.
    Hamish says:

    These words hit me hard. When things are going ok in my mind I feel like I’m waiting for the next time I will have to talk myself through another low point. I hope you have made it through this time, and pray you will have peace in your mind, at least for a time.

    Kia kaha.

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