As Told By Lisa

I’ve been listening and learning

during this covid solitude.

Doing work

on myself, for myself.

Revelations abound:

I’ve been listening to Facebook live feeds from my favorite author Tom Zuba. His books literally changed my life after the death of my Love nearly 10 months ago.

Listening to explanations, seeing others’ reactions, and the opportunity to interact have helped tremendously in my process.

Lightbulb moment:

Grief is internal. Mourning is external. Everyone experiences grief. Only those who want to heal do the hard work of mourning.

— TOM ZUBA

Grief is not foreign. I have experienced deep grief since my Love died. Before that, my parents, sister, grandparents, and now most recently my Aunt. But before the last 10 months, I’ve held it in, not wanted to mourn. Not dared to let go and do the work of healing.

Holding in grief, stuffing it down, stiff upper lip, ‘it is what it is’, are toxic to my soul.

Outwardly expressing mourning with lamentation, crying (seemingly endless), and writing a lot (as evidenced here), work better for me and have helped me cope. When the waves of darkness overtake I have finally learned to reach out and not internalize.

Therefore, healing is not a destination, but the process that provides the tools to deal with the darkness when it knocks on the door. When on the road to healing, darkness includes rays of light to grab onto. But the process is life-long.

I could never stop loving my Love. He will always creep into my thoughts through memories, visits, funny things that remind me, his daughter’s sense of humor, anniversaries, 430, 777, and other things that are better off unsaid.

But I will love again, if someone strong enough to accept that fact and that it’s not a competition comes along.

My new favorite quote (where I am now):

“I discovered that healing is not a destination. I won’t wake up one day and be finally and fully healed, not while I’m in my physical body. Rather, healing is my new way of being in the world. Healing requires action every day. My hope, my prayer, my goal, and yes, my intention is to heal a little bit more each day until I finish my work here and leave my physical body.”

TOM ZUBA

Healing is hard, imperfect work.

I will continue to heal,

cherish my family and friends,

continue to mourn,

then heal some more,

accept love if it comes,

mourn,

then heal some more,

write, live, be me,

mourn,

and heal some more,

and so it goes…

XO Lisa

 

It is an honour to have Lisa feature on our blog again! Another extraordinarily lovely post. 

If you would like to feature on our blog; for a post that is long or short, please feel free to submit a post at thegriefreality@outlook.com

Have a lovely day.

16 thoughts on “As Told By Lisa

    1. Thank you for the nice comments! I am currently reading Tom’s Zuba’s book “Permission to Mourn” on my blog. Feel free to check it out!

  1. Navin – Denmark – My name is Navin. I'm an engineer/CAD technician by profession with passion in 3-dimensional creations. Poem is me. Self-realization, experiences & expressions & some other dimensions, I share through my poetic creations. In November of 2019, I suffered from a life changing experience – a wake-up call I must say. From that point of time, I’m re-learning most of the things from a different perspective. As a result of what I went through, I sometimes experience feelings of depression, anxiety, fear and anger, but I also deal with difficulty in sleeping, darkness and feeling numb. If, when reading my poems, you can relate to what I’m writing, I would love to hear from you. I write poems because I love doing so. This blog is very therapeutic for me, and I aim to make my work available to as many people as possible. Poetry is my passion.
    Navin says:

    Beautifully written…..”Therefore, healing is not a destination, but the process that provides the tools to deal with the darkness when it knocks on the door. When on the road to healing, darkness includes rays of light to grab onto. But the process is life-long.”

  2. Cheryl, Gulf Coast Poet – Gulf Coast of Florida – A retired teacher, I live with my significant other on the Gulf Coast of Florida. I enjoy the beach, walking outdoors, movies, and reading. Hanging Out with Wild Animals is a book series of photos and poems about my encounters with Florida animals. Wonders is a book of poems inspired by the men I have known and loved. Life in Inspiring Places is a book of photos and poems about the places rich in history and natural beauty that I have called home. Excerpts from the books and additional poems can be found on my website. Cheryl Batavia
    gulfcoastpoet@gmail.com says:

    Lisa, thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. I am glad you find writing to be therapeutic. Me too!

    Six years ago, I lost my my ninety-year-old mother to Alzheimers. During the last few years of her life, I spent a lot of time with her. I wrote a poem, “Clouds,” about those last years with my mom in my book, Life in inspiring Places,

    Last week, I wrote a poem which is on my blog, called “Forebears.” As I tried to read it aloud to my significant other, I burst into tears. I realized that I had never cried after my Mother’s death. Death had put an end to her suffering, and I had shared the journey with her, but I guess I still needed to cry.

    Nearly twenty years ago, I lost my forty-five-year-old husband and was left with two children to raise. For the last ten years, I struggled to finish a poem about his death, which I finished last month and published on my blog. “Promises to Drew” is the name of the poem. I think you might like it.

    All the best as you continue your grief journey. Cheryl Batavia.

    1. Cheryl, Thank you for the nice comments! I am currently reading Tom’s Zuba’s book “Permission to Mourn” on my blog. Feel free to check it out!
      That being said, the last nearly 13 months since my husband died have been filled with grief, mourning, tears, paradigm shifts, and I am finally on the road to healing and finding myself. My entire journey is all poured out on my blog.
      I will be sure to check out your writing!
      XO Lisa

  3. Cindy Georgakas – I’ve been in the field of health and wellness for thirty plus years. It is my passion and life work. I’m a Life Coach, certified through Dr. Cherie Carter Scott PHD (Mother of Life Coaching), a Certified California Massage Therapist, (CAMTC) specializing in Craniosacral Therapy, Thai, Deep Tissue, Sports. Pre postnatal etc. I am also a Reiki Master, a Certified Personal Trainer, and a Certified Yoga Teacher and writer. I love starting my day in meditation, yoga and Tai Chi and Qui gong, hiking with my husband, furry legged kids, and my kids (when I can grab them); and hanging with my cats.
    Cindy Georgakas says:

    Nicely shared with your heartfelt words.

      1. Cindy Georgakas – I’ve been in the field of health and wellness for thirty plus years. It is my passion and life work. I’m a Life Coach, certified through Dr. Cherie Carter Scott PHD (Mother of Life Coaching), a Certified California Massage Therapist, (CAMTC) specializing in Craniosacral Therapy, Thai, Deep Tissue, Sports. Pre postnatal etc. I am also a Reiki Master, a Certified Personal Trainer, and a Certified Yoga Teacher and writer. I love starting my day in meditation, yoga and Tai Chi and Qui gong, hiking with my husband, furry legged kids, and my kids (when I can grab them); and hanging with my cats.
        Cindy Georgakas says:

        Thanks so much. If you see something I write that might speak to that, feel free to add it to your site. I appreciate it!

  4. God, this was so moving Lisa. I had not known just how many losses you had been through. I cannot possibly relate to it. But I can see that your approach to healing and sharing is totally courageous and inspiring.

  5. francisashis – Life is invaluable so let's speak more of life and it's glories. Let us support others to take life as an important assign which must be completed in a joyful way and thus tasting the real essence of it.It is the greatest gift of God for all of us so we ought to accept it in a jovial way.Disinterest in doing so invites the end of it.
    francisashis says:

    I have read your post but I am at a fix as I cannot find words to comment.I can only thank the Lord for giving you the strength you really required to be strong and to move forward accepting the losses. Take care.

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