I’m Not Very Good at Not Having Answers

I would say I’m a very resilient person. Katie often says that nothing phases me, and my Mum would often say I take everything in my stride. I often say that as long as I have a good playlist going, I can do anything I need to or want to.

Quarantine lately had been getting the best of me.

I just felt miserable, and I didn’t want to do anything about it. I had loads of uni work to do, and no motivation to do it. I didn’t care. And for anyone who knows me, knows that is not me at all.

But, how can you find the energy to give to something that isn’t going to heal yourself anyone else, during a time of crisis? It seemed pointless. It seemed ridiculous to even begin to think about.

All I cared about was working out and exercising, because I felt like I was absolutely looking after myself. Keeping myself healthy.

Katie repeatedly asked me what was wrong, and tried her best to look after me in anyway she could. But even that was difficult, when she was working at home full time. I sometimes would spend lots of time “keeping myself to myself”, and worrying. Productive.

I am not going to give you any “tips” or “tricks” to “help” with a lack of motivation. All I want to say to anyone feeling the way I was; you aren’t alone. Yes, I know that is a phrase that is well worn out and stretched thin during this quarantine, but today I dust it off and give it back to you.

Take your time, friend. Some of us, most of us, have all the time in the world now.

Look after yourself. Feel what you need to feel, but please try to accept the company of others, because as soon as I did that, I know I felt immensely better.

Don’t focus on what you have to do, focus on what you want to do, if you have the option to do that, that is.

Rest easy. Your motivation and excitement for life will come back. This is a crazy time, and our brains can’t keep handling the quantity of sadness in the news, or the changing goal posts.

You are doing great.

Evee x

Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on.
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll Never Walk Alone

23 thoughts on “I’m Not Very Good at Not Having Answers

  1. I feel this on many levels. I lost my partner over 4 yrs ago to cancer, and while he was sick, I hate to say I felt like I at least had purpose, something to focus on. when he died, part of me felt like my purpose also died. It started coming back again through my work, food and wine, and just when I though I had a hold on my world again, this happened. Quarantine has been hard, because its harder to keep my mind occupied and off the grief and PTSD, I’ve really had to try hard to keep busy, maybe that’s not the healthy way, but I’m one of those people that doesn’t do well mentally when idle. I appreciate this post, because it rings true, there are no quick fixes or answers, sometimes its just a matter of simply staying alive for those who arent.

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  2. Evee you are positive strong girl. Your encouraging words are beautiful. Talk with friends, feel the world of art (music, books, painting). Don’t feel the world of tv news, he is bad idea. Sending good vibes 😉

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  3. Each moment we adapt or not and as one day we are the one that cares, the next we might be the one to be cared for. Then the next day full of energy to be the joker, the next we might feel like we are the joke… Anyways Beloved, I just typed a comment to one who had sat on a bench when someone came to sit on the other end. Their reaction was different to what would be mine and different to how another might react also. We’re all different, we’re all being different and each moment we will be our own protagonist of this story that is literally panning out. My comment to the person sitting first on the bench, was that maybe it’s just me, but that as the guy was going down to sit, I would be getting up and walking away. No words, no gestures, no fuss, no drama, just off I would go. This is me coming from being in the here and now, not the [FREE HUGS] person I once was before and might be able to be again, one day. Blessings of compassion to all who read this, even unto themselves.

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  4. I guess we all have to find our way through this. Every way will be different. I so get the keeping yourself to yourself thing. I’ve found myself doing that. Choosing not to pick up calls. I guess it’s one my defence mechanism. But we will get through this. We have faced worse things. xxxx

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    1. Thank you:) yes I agree x in a way this feels like the period after mums death, but everyone is going through it now. Before it was katie and I in quarantine and self isolation, too afraid to go to the shops. It’s weird and really confuses me xxxx

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  5. This is the feeling you have when depressed. That lack of interest and having no motivation is classic and very hard to deal with, particularly when you are usual a very upbeat and resilient type of person. You are right though, it will pass. Giving yourself space and the permission to not be ok is often the first step forward in my personal experience. These are strange and challenging times. Keep smiling 😁

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  6. I find it helpful to return to seeing what I am grateful for when I find myself stuck in life. It gets me out of all the stories ego tells me about being stuck. The difficult part is remembering to be grateful. It’s so easy to forget the stuff that really matters. Great post.

    Like

  7. Y’know, with all the voices out there who DO claim to have answers, or who feel the need to push their sense of rightness to the front of the crowd… you are probably making a huge difference to so many (especially right now), simply by having such a light, gentle touch in your use of words.

    Others may already be feeling so thankful for that, even while you wonder about your lack of motivation. It’s often at times when I feel I’m going nowhere, achieving nothing, that somebody turns a mirror on me, drawn by their perceptions of me, not my own…

    and I find myself surprised (even kinda gobsmacked) by this vision of what really beats inside of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hang in there! It seems like it would be a good time to get the house completely organized, but where’s the mood to do it? Instead it’s been a really good time to binge watch favorite shows and re-read comforting books. I am especially happy today because I decided that travel would be coming again, and when it does, I want to have my return trip to Alaska ready!

    Liked by 1 person

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