Talking To The Month That Is Mine

Hello November.

You find me at a time in my life where I have friends, a loving support network, and I feel stronger than ever.

I woke up feeling blue, a feeling that settles around me almost comfortingly. It disconcerts me because of the ease at which I fit into this blue mold. I almost feel like when I wipe my eyes in the morning, my fingertips and my hand will be blue.

But unlike this time last year, I can shake it off. My natural colour slowly coming through the blue, because I am more powerful now, it is not all-consuming. These days, I can still feel blue but be strong.

I facetime with Katie, and a weight rises off my chest as though Katie and I have tied balloons to my problems and sends them into the sky. It is good to laugh, and as I watch the balloons get smaller and smaller I marvel that these problems can just up, up and away. For so long, we were weighted down by so much, that to be weighted down by nothing sometimes makes me feel giddy.

I do not miss the place I grew up in, but I miss my favourite coffee shops, and some of the people I left there. Sometimes I think I did not fit in there, and I wonder if I’ll ever fit in anywhere. I struggle to care about it for very long.

I find myself doing that a lot; struggling to care. About being liked, about being too loud, about being too much for others, or for not being enough. I like myself, my company, and I have a lot of love to give. Truly, it is rewarding to give my time to those who want to give it back. And for those who don’t, I struggle to think about them for very long.

I feel Mum’s love everywhere I go, and I am so fortunate to have known her for so long. So many people go through their life without the vibrancy and love she has instilled in us. For her I am grateful, forever. I find so much comfort in the fact that I will love her forever. That truly is unshakeable in me.

I miss you, but love you more.
02/11/2016

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9 thoughts on “Talking To The Month That Is Mine

  1. Wow Katie & Evee! I am new to your blog, but I just wanted to say how beautifully you both write…you somehow manage to craft words magically to convey your journey through grief…Evee – you’ve just brought tears to my eyes – I know exactly what you mean about unwavering love for someone special, who is no longer with us & I am glad you have both got to the point where you know it is ok to move on & that your Mum will be forever with you & forever in your hearts lots of love from a launderette in Brussels!!

  2. That’s such a beautiful photo and the perfect words to go with it. The balloons bit reminded us of one of our less successful ideas. We decided to release balloons with various messages written on the by me and son on his mums birthday. Unfortunately the buggers wouldn’t take off. We spent an hour throwing and kicking balloons in the air with the longest flight being about 3 yards. I’m so pleased your balloons are still flying. x

    1. thank you so much 🙂 That is also a lovely memory though, and one that brought a smile on my face reading it. It made me think of when Katie, a friend and I tried to do a message in a bottle, only the bottle kept washing back up onto shore hahahaha. x

  3. craig lock – New Zealand – from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html About the Author Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life’s savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season.". True! from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html and http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig-lock Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life's savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" (it missed, btw!) and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season." True! The various books* that Craig “felt inspired to write” are available at ebooks (digital books) http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=la_B005GGMAW4_sr?rh=i:books&field-author=Craig+Lock Paperbacks (see https://goldendawnpublishing.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/paperback-writer/ and https://wanttowriteabook.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/paperback-writer-the-beatles/ https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query="craig+lock"&sitesearch_type=STORE https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Lock/e/B005GGMAW4/ref=pe_584750_33951330_sr_tc_2_0?qid=1476388259&sr=1-2-ent http://www.creativekiwis.com/index.php/books and http://goo.gl/vTpjk All proceeds go to needy and underprivileged children – MINE! “When the writer is no more , the value of your purchase will soar! “ “Together, one mind, one life (one small step at a time), let’s see how many people (and lives) we can encourage, impact, empower, enrich, uplift and perhaps even inspire to reach their fullest potentials…and strive for and perhaps one sunny day even achieve their wildest dreams.” PPS Don’t worry about the world ending today… as it’s already tomorrow in scenic and tranquil ‘little’ New Zealand
    craig lock says:

    Reblogged this on craig's thoughts and commented:
    Hi Katie

    Thanks for the follow(s) * (+ likes), as the reason I write is to share.
    * (Though my family and close friends say it would be far more entertaining with a video-camera # in “real life”, rather than in cyberspace!)

    # By the way, do they still make them in today’s ever-faster changing world..or is it all done with mobile phones?

    (get with the times now,”luddite”* c – it should be a smart phone)

    * or so I was often called by my “my techno-geek” friend, Bill (“the gonk”)

    “total non-techno” c (who doesn’t possess a mobile phone, after a rather eventful’ experience some years back, whilst trying to walk, talk and chew gum at the same time)

    Who says men can’t multi-task!

    Kind regards and all the best with your blog

    craig

    “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

    “I make art out of chaos… or should that rather be chaos out of art?”
    https://craigsquotes.wordpress.com/

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