We did it, Mum

Dear Mum, 

We did it. 

You’d be please to know that, for the first time ever, Peter wasn’t late. I fibbed and told him that the taxi was booked for 7am to give us 30 minutes buffer time in case he was his usual slow self. I think we should have implemented this plan years ago because it worked a dream and he was on time! He bought a bottle of Bucksfizz to toast at breakfast. He was so honoured to be invited and he beamed when I opened my certificate. Distinction

Dad came to my graduation this time as well. He put on a suit and set off early in the morning to be there. I could tell he was proud of me, and I was thankful he came.

The first time, you saw me in my cap and gown you cried and pulled me in for a hug. You sat in the audience as I walked across the stage with my head held high baring my smile. 

This time was different. I felt proud but it in a different way. It was stronger this time and it meant more.  And it hurt more. It hurt more because you weren’t there and because of everything our little family has been through along the way. 

I didn’t apologise or feel shame as I cried walking up on stage to shake the Chancellor’s hand. I didn’t apologise when I loved you while you were alive, so why would I feel ashamed to cry how much I love and miss you after you have passed, especially on a day like graduation?

Evee was strong for the pair of us, she took brilliant photos when we were smiling proudly just as she did 2 years ago with you. And she wiped my tears when your absence stung too much.  She has grown so much this passed year. She is fearless and unapologetic but still she lets me glimpse at how young and vulnerable she still is. I could burst because I am so proud of her. I could burst knowing that you would be too.

You always told me to stay in education as long as I could and that nobody can take my qualifications away from me. You were always there on facetime to hear my rants. You were always there to read my assignments and to listen about lectures. 

You were always there to tell me how proud you were and to tell me to never give up. I didn’t. I didn’t give up because you never gave up. You taught me to never give up, and we didn’t, did we? Many times, after you passed, I thought I would though. Sometimes it felt like I already had, but don’t worry, I’m still here. 

I’ve closed the door on university, and things are looking up now. And, for the first time, I feel quite excited by the prospect of my unplanned future.

I will always look back on my MA graduation with pride. It was a really difficult day for Peter, Evee and myself as a little unit of three, a day laced with so many similarities to my last graduation when it was the four of us.  

Part of the graduation ceremony was dedicated to students’ families. I couldn’t have gotten there without my family.  I clapped for Evee, for Uncle Peter but most of all, I clapped for You. 

I miss you and love you more with every passing day. Don’t worry though, with every passing day I am healing a little more.  

Katie 

Copyright © 2019 The Grief Reality. All Rights Reserved

10 thoughts on “We did it, Mum

  1. KJ – I am nothing more or less than who and what I am. I strive to be better than I was the day before. Much I have posted herein is from my youth and unfortunately I have lost or given away without duplicating. Perhaps one day I will learn. But then maybe not. If you have read this I thank you for the time you have taken to do so.
    KJ says:

    This is truly beautiful.

  2. Tears running down my cheeks. I am so privileged to read your post and identify with each word. Your mother was a very special person, I only know and feel this through your words. All the best for your next steps along your journey. Lots of love to you and your family.

    1. Hi Sean, thank you so much. She really was, and still is. Recently I feel as though i’ve had a real breakthrough and feel more connected to her than ever <3 Love to you and yours 🙂

  3. This is just fantastic. The more you achieve the more you will connect with the truly special people in your life. That just makes the journey worth it.

  4. Sadia Noor – Hey! I am Sadia Noor. I am a student beside I write on my blog so it makes me a blogger. I am an optimistic person and hope to bring positivity to the world. I love to write and I wish that I would make you feel good through my writeups. Let us make this world a peaceful and beautiful place and remove all the negativity from us.
    Sadia Noor says:

    Your blog is so cheerful and fabulous.
    I really like it. Keep blogging and stay blessed!

      1. Sadia Noor – Hey! I am Sadia Noor. I am a student beside I write on my blog so it makes me a blogger. I am an optimistic person and hope to bring positivity to the world. I love to write and I wish that I would make you feel good through my writeups. Let us make this world a peaceful and beautiful place and remove all the negativity from us.
        Sadia Noor says:

        Most welcome!

  5. craig lock – New Zealand – from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html About the Author Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life’s savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season.". True! from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html and http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig-lock Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life's savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" (it missed, btw!) and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season." True! The various books* that Craig “felt inspired to write” are available at ebooks (digital books) http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=la_B005GGMAW4_sr?rh=i:books&field-author=Craig+Lock Paperbacks (see https://goldendawnpublishing.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/paperback-writer/ and https://wanttowriteabook.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/paperback-writer-the-beatles/ https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query="craig+lock"&sitesearch_type=STORE https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Lock/e/B005GGMAW4/ref=pe_584750_33951330_sr_tc_2_0?qid=1476388259&sr=1-2-ent http://www.creativekiwis.com/index.php/books and http://goo.gl/vTpjk All proceeds go to needy and underprivileged children – MINE! “When the writer is no more , the value of your purchase will soar! “ “Together, one mind, one life (one small step at a time), let’s see how many people (and lives) we can encourage, impact, empower, enrich, uplift and perhaps even inspire to reach their fullest potentials…and strive for and perhaps one sunny day even achieve their wildest dreams.” PPS Don’t worry about the world ending today… as it’s already tomorrow in scenic and tranquil ‘little’ New Zealand
    craig lock says:

    Reblogged this on Mom’s Thoughts: Just sharing Some of Our Dear Mom’s Favourite Thoughts and commented:

    http://www.awritersdreams.wordpress.com

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