Dear St Ives

I booked Katie and I a little cabin near St Ives for one night last weekend. The cabin was like a little shoebox, and was decorated beautifully, with gentle blues and whites. The outside had quirky objects everywhere; mirrors hanging on trees, barbies, statues, plants, and a little seating area. It was safe, happy and comfortable. We drove to St Ives, spending the time listening to new and old music, and singing loudly until the lyrics dried out our throats. From the beginning we were happy, looking forward to the trip in a way we had not felt since we were kids, getting ready to go camping with our family.

It had felt like forever since we had been together, just the two of us, spending minutes doing something stupid and menial. Katie been incredibly stressed over probate lately, and we have been going through more pain given to us from people we thought we could count on permanently.

It had felt like forever since we have just been able to erupt in laughter, silently agape, tears streaming down our faces. The sort of laughter where people look over at us and either smile too or give us looks of distaste. The type where the years of pain are thawed, and begin to melt away.

For me, it felt like a long time since I had heard Katie laughing. I did not realize how much I had needed to hear it. 

Life can rip worlds apart, rip people apart, and rip hearts apart. But laughter heals. Perhaps when Pandora opened her vase, laughter and hope escaped together.

I have never believed that more than when we were in St Ives. I always imagine the healing moments to come when I am away, out of the UK, where I can ‘truly’ clear my head. St Ives helped to remind me that the healing moments come from me, and only me. They do not come from me going to a new place spending 2 months learning a language, or travelling to another country to find a smile.

I feel like a piece of ourselves came back to us. We were sisters, 24 and 19, Mummy’s daughters, and our joy was obvious, apparent, and lovely. People in the street, although they must have thought we were crazy, they would have never known what we had been through.

I remember a time where I thought perhaps I would never feel completely happy again. I wondered whether my happiness would always be tainted by loss and burnished with grief. I felt as though I now had a permanent tattoo printed on my forehead of “LOST”. I wish I could go back to my  scared self that I would I would feel happiness that would rival the loss I was feeling.

I also used to be so scared that I would never ‘see’ Katie again. Yet most of my joy came from ‘seeing’ her again.

My mum used to love the song “Why Worry?” by Dire Straits. It holds conflicting emotions for Katie and I, but one of our favourite lyrics is “there should be laughter after pain.”

If you are not laughing, I’m sorry. If you believe you can’t or won’t laugh again, you will. Until then, I lend to you another of Katie and I’s favourite lyrics; 

“You’ll be dancing again and the pain will end

You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry, 

But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you.”

I am so glad and relieved that we held on.

Evee

St Ives 12/07/19
Taken by Evee on the Nikon Coolpix P900
St Ives – 12/07/2019
Taken by Evee on the Nikon Coolpix P900
Ice Cream – 12/07/19
Taken By Evee on the Nikon Coolpix P900
Katie – 12/07/19
Taken by Evee on the
Soul Mates – 12/07/19
Taken by Evee on the iPhone 7+
Lol – 12/07/19
Taken by Katie on the
Reflection – 12/07/19
Taken by Evee on the Nikon Coolpix P900

Copyright © 2019 The Grief Reality. All Rights Reserved

17 thoughts on “Dear St Ives

  1. Yes, lovely photos. It looks like a gorgeous place! Your Mum had a good taste in music. Big fan of that song.

  2. Such a great post! 🙂

    Dire Straits and Abba? Someone brought you two up well! 😉

    You have a P900?? I’m SO jealous!! I have the P700 and i love it. Did you see they have the P1000 now? Double the zoom!!

    Keep smiling, but know it’s normal and OK to have a cry from time to time. 🙂

    1. Ahhaha so true, we were brought up well 🙂

      Yeah the P1000 looks so cool! the P900 is sooo good too, I’m so happy with it and the photos it can produce.

      Thank you 🙂

  3. ashok – I Love, I Travel, I Meditate Am a Learner and love to share my experiences😊 I love people and I love Nature ❤️❤️ Nature is God and I love God 😊❤️🙏 Though I love to travel, I love people more😊 and I can travel long long distances to be with people I love. And I love myself even more. I love to be with me and my thoughts 😊
    ashok says:

    So good to see happy smiles and great pics. Love

      1. ashok – I Love, I Travel, I Meditate Am a Learner and love to share my experiences😊 I love people and I love Nature ❤️❤️ Nature is God and I love God 😊❤️🙏 Though I love to travel, I love people more😊 and I can travel long long distances to be with people I love. And I love myself even more. I love to be with me and my thoughts 😊
        ashok says:

        Pleasure

  4. craig lock – New Zealand – from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html About the Author Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life’s savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season.". True! from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html Craig has a 'passion' for writing books that tell stories about people doing positive things in this often so hard, sometimes unkind world, occasionally cruel, yet always amazing world - true stories that leave the reader feeling uplifted, empowered and hopefully even inspired. https://www.createspace.com/3779691/ and http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 from http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig_lock.html and http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/craig-lock Craig Lock loves to encourage and empower people to be the best they can possibly be, and to create what they want in life. Craig has learnt plenty from the "school of life" (still "battered and bruised") and also from a few "hard knocks on the head". He is an extensive world traveller (on a "shoestring budget") and failed professional emigrater who has spent most of his life's savings on airfares. He is still sliding down the razor blade of life on the beautiful undiscovered island that is New Zealand, somewhere near the bottom (rude!) of the world near Antarctica. There he talks to the 60 million sheep! Craig has been involved in the corporate world (life assurance) for over twenty years in South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. However, through a strange set of circumstances and finding himself in a small town near the bottom of the world ...and with nothing else to do, he started writing. That was five years ago. Five published books later and having written another twenty manuscripts (on widely differing subjects - well what else is there to do here?)... this is where Craig is in the "journey/adventure" that is life. Craig has taught at the local Polytechnic, as well as running a successful creative writing course (not teaching sheep!). He was the author of (as far as we know) the first creative writing course on the internet Craig has many varied interests and passions. He is particularly interested in the field of psychology – studying the human mind and what makes different people "tick-tock grandfather clock". He is fascinated by the "overlap between psychology and the dimension of spirituality". One of his missions in life is helping people make the most of their hidden potential and so finding their niche in life... so that they are happy. Craig’s various books probably tell more about his rather "eventful" life best (no one could believe it!). He writes books with serious messages and themes, then as a contrast "rather crazy, wacky stuff"…to keep him sane here. As an ‘anonymouse’ person wrote: "All of us are born mad; some of us remain so." Well nothing else much happens in quiet provincial New Zealand, other than headlines like "Golf Ball Thrown at Policeman" (it missed, btw!) and "Beach Toilet Closed for Season." True! The various books* that Craig “felt inspired to write” are available at ebooks (digital books) http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=la_B005GGMAW4_sr?rh=i:books&field-author=Craig+Lock Paperbacks (see https://goldendawnpublishing.wordpress.com/2016/12/20/paperback-writer/ and https://wanttowriteabook.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/paperback-writer-the-beatles/ https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query="craig+lock"&sitesearch_type=STORE https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Lock/e/B005GGMAW4/ref=pe_584750_33951330_sr_tc_2_0?qid=1476388259&sr=1-2-ent http://www.creativekiwis.com/index.php/books and http://goo.gl/vTpjk All proceeds go to needy and underprivileged children – MINE! “When the writer is no more , the value of your purchase will soar! “ “Together, one mind, one life (one small step at a time), let’s see how many people (and lives) we can encourage, impact, empower, enrich, uplift and perhaps even inspire to reach their fullest potentials…and strive for and perhaps one sunny day even achieve their wildest dreams.” PPS Don’t worry about the world ending today… as it’s already tomorrow in scenic and tranquil ‘little’ New Zealand
    craig lock says:

    Reblogged this on Jenny's Photographic Journey.

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