Out of the Woods

The quiet train carriage was disrupted by my phone alerting me of a new message from my friend: “Results are OUT.”  She was referring to our Master’s grade, of course.

All too quickly anxiety whirled up inside of me. I hadn’t expected to receive this message for another month or so. I had thought about this moment a lot. In my head I had compared what would be, with what was on the day that I got my undergraduate results a couple of years ago.

I was in Spain and my mum, of course, was the first person I phoned. She was beaming through the phone so, so proud of me.  I got the first-class degree that I so wanted, but then again, she would have been proud with whatever grade I got.

This time I wouldn’t be able to phone her. My happiness would undeniably echo the silence of loss; the loss of her pride or the “I knew you’d do it! I never doubted you for a minute.”

I logged on to the university blackboard page – thankful that the train’s Wifi held out – and sure enough the little red notification appeared in the top right corner of the screen.

72.

My final assignment was worth 72, giving me a grade average of 73. A distinction. I cried. She would have been so proud of me. The Master’s was the cause of so many sleepless nights but one of my final promises that I swore I’d keep. And I bloody well did it. 

On Facetime to both my boyfriend and my sister, Evee said to me “That’ll do pig, that’ll do” quoting the iconic final line from Babe, and I laughed through my tears. She was right, that’ll do. It’s over now, I can rest.

I didn’t feel anxious about my trip for the rest of the train journey. Rather, I felt calm. 

I couldn’t help but wonder, is this the light at the end of the tunnel that so many people have promised? Are we finally out of the woods? 

Katie

Copyright © 2019 The Grief Reality. All Rights Reserved

20 thoughts on “Out of the Woods

  1. Beautiful post Katie. Congratulations. Well done.
    I am reminded of my grandfather. When I was in my high school one day my grand father saw my Physics book and asked me was the whole book in my course and did I know the subject well! Nobody in our entire family had taken up science/engineering before me. He was proud of me as well concerned, whether I will be able to do it.
    He passed away before I finished my Engineering. He would have been so happy.
    Whatever light is there Katie, it is in our hearts now. And trust me your mom is rejoicing in your peace and calm.
    Love and blessings

    Like

  2. I think it’s best if we don’t look to far ahead – or too far behind ourselves. That we see it for what it is now – a good victory and achievement of your goal. Another arrow to your quiver that will arm you for whatever lies ahead of you. An important step along your pathway.

    And something of which, undoubtedly, your Mom would be proud. 🙂

    (As are we all).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, I know she would be so proud of us. I never thought I’d reach this level of peace. It’s not constant but it’s there and I’m so grateful. Thank you for commenting, have a great day!

      Like

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