Insomnia

Give me peace, for one moment. 

Give me peace where I can rest easy. Where I can curl up, lay my head down and fall through the darkness to the place where my dreams are colourful and vibrant.

Give me peace. I only need a second. My thoughts are a riot, and I plead with them to quiet. I am patient. I will my brain, not for silence, but at least a buzz that I can relax into. My mind is active, but my body is tired. 

I begin to read, because I don’t like the direction my brain is headed. I have been down that road before, and all it leads to is loneliness and sadness. I read a hundred pages, and I could read a hundred more. Yet I close my book; the pages are too inviting for my mind. It wants to crawl into them and live in this world of strangers.

I would like a conversation, where we talk about life and living and what it all means. Maybe after, my brain will turn into liquid and drip into dreams. Soon, I tell myself.

My body is exhausted and my mind is tired from the laps it runs and the assaults its throwing. Yet the clock never falls asleep, and apparently my mind is jealous of time.

I relive the past, and I predict the future. What good does this do? I ask myself. My mind is a prison, and I’m trying to be patient, but my body screams for sleep.

I know I’m exhausted. My eyes are heavy, yet when they close, I feel every second as it slips away into the night. It’s as if someone is whispering goodbye to the minutes as they pass me by. I slowly age and all I want to do is ask them to shut up.

I try to listen to music, and my heart pumps with melody, yet I tear through album after album. Eyes closed, body still. A corpse, but not a peaceful one.

My eyes blink open. I have reached a new peace. So, what if I’m tired tomorrow? As long as this doesn’t happen tomorrow.

My eyes bore into the darkness, and I see new light, a new day, dawn breaking around my soul. And this must have been the moment my mind needed to see. It tucks itself down, whispers goodnight, and we fall.

Fall asleep.

Evee

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18 thoughts on “Insomnia

  1. KJ – I am nothing more or less than who and what I am. I strive to be better than I was the day before. Much I have posted herein is from my youth and unfortunately I have lost or given away without duplicating. Perhaps one day I will learn. But then maybe not. If you have read this I thank you for the time you have taken to do so.
    KJ says:

    I loved reading this. The picture you painted in my mind was perfect.

  2. Alison – Oklahoma – The eleventh child of an agnostic and a Jehovah’s Witness (See? No Catholic). I am a freelance writer, having stumbled upon this profession as a would-be fashion writer in Paris. I am peripatetic which means I can walk but choose to do so while wondering in three states and Paris. I have no permanent residence and write about my life, addiction, my sisters, Paris, my dog, and, oh, yeah, fashion.
    Alison says:

    Oh, this is sheer poetry. I know exactly what you are describing. Very well written!

  3. emergingfromthedarknight – Australia – "The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.
    emergingfromthedarknight says:

    This perfectly describes the battle with letting go into sleep that follows in the aftermath of such a significant loss, so relatable.

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