About a month ago, Evee was really ill. I heard her in the bathroom at 4 am. I jolted up in bed wide awake, ready to help her, calling out to let her know I was there. I went to the bathroom and sat beside her with a glass of water, holding her hair and rubbing her back. 

She had a fever and was burning up. I removed her thick duvet from the bed and replaced it with a thin cotton sheet to let her fever cool, just as our mum used to do for us and, later, as we did for Mum when she was ill. I made sure Evee was comfortable and slipped back into my own bed. 

In that moment I realised that although 8 months had passed by, I was still in that nurse-on-a-night-shift mode. 8 months had passed, and my sleep still hadn’t truly recovered, never deep enough to truly rest. How can I still be listening out, just in case Mum needs me? 


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4 thoughts on “Still.

  1. KJ – I am nothing more or less than who and what I am. I strive to be better than I was the day before. Much I have posted herein is from my youth and unfortunately I have lost or given away without duplicating. Perhaps one day I will learn. But then maybe not. If you have read this I thank you for the time you have taken to do so.
    KJ says:

    Some things take time. Even though we are consciously aware of something does not mean we are quite ready internally to relinquish that which we hold onto.

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